[ This is about as normal as can be expected so far, which is encouraging. He knows Shiro really well—you don't spend months on a ship with someone for nothing—but that doesn't mean they can automatically pick up where they left off. There's ways Shiro is exactly the same, but there's also ways he seems different as Matt feels, and their responsibilities don't exactly make things ideal, either. It's hard to say what all the changes in their lives are going to mean for them. For now though, he wants to enjoy Shiro's presence, and let things be as simple as things will allow. Especially since he can still hardly even believe that he's alive. ]
You know, I'm kind of surprised you took that message seriously. I figured you'd think I was joking.
[ He turns down one of the halls, footsteps quiet despite the weight of the armor he's wearing; he's had to get used to being quiet while dressed like this, not wanting to wake anyone when he's up at odd hours but not quite willing to be in plain clothes in case something happens. Maybe eventually, but not while things as they are. At least Matt doesn't ask him about it, Shiro supposes.
Another turn and he glances at Matt, a little sheepish, a little wry. ]
[ Matt's steps are just as quiet, but for a different reason; he's grown used to trying to erase his presence back at the communications outpost for even the slightest chance someone unwanted got too close. It doesn't matter here, but by this point, it's ingrained enough to be a habit. ]
Well... At first. I probably wouldn't have had the guts to send it, otherwise. But I guess we got kinda wrapped up in it and now I can't stop thinking about it.
[ He rubs the back his head awkwardly. This is a little embarrassing, actually... But, oh well. Here they are, so obviously something good came out of it. ]
I wasn't kidding about making the most of our time, though. I know there's a lot on your plate, and I don't want to get in your way. Guess that's why I'm bothering you in the middle of the night instead of a more respectable hour.
[ If it is just a joke, Shiro won't be offended. Disappointed, maybe - not at the lack of a companion in bed, but at the lack of interest in anything leading up to that, but he'd understand. They're in a war and they haven't seen each other for ages. For all he knows, they're very different people who may not get along as well as they did on the mission. He still remembers the way Matt'd looked at him, the way they'd danced around familiarity and Garrison-issued boundaries before hugging. ]
Is that because you're...actually interested in that, or just because I didn't laugh it off and now you've got to hope that Pidge doesn't hack the comms again and see it?
[ Gentle teasing is about as far as he'll go with this. He presses his hand to the door panel and it whooshes open for both of them, closing once they're both inside. He scoops up a fresh set of clothing from his bed and heads for the bathroom, leaving the door cracked so he can talk through it. While there wasn't much for privacy on the ship to Kerberos or at the Garrison, given the talk, he figures maybe changing in front of him isn't the best idea right now. ]
You're not bothering me, Matt. I don't-- I keep strange hours, sometimes. [ A pause. ] Most of the time. Force of habit, I guess.
[ He comes back out once decent, adjusting his collar and starts putting the armor away, rolling his shoulders. ]
Oh, man. [ he laughs lightly, not as much at the teasing itself, and more out of relief at how it breaks through some of the tension. ] I hadn't thought of that, but now I'm scared. She'd never stop holding it over our heads.
[ As for a serious answer, there's a lot of things he could say, but they'd probably be better left for when they can sit down properly. Or maybe he's more nervous than he thought and he's stalling. It seems like he's doing that a lot, tonight. He follows Shiro into his room and leans against the doorframe—no point in getting too comfortable if they're just going to leave again soon.
What Shiro says next honestly worries him a little; it makes him wonder if he lets himself rest. Somehow, it doesn't feel like his place to press it, though, so he just smiles, not that Shiro can see it. ]
Hey, I get it. My schedule's gotten pretty weird, too. Monitoring transmissions wasn't exactly an eight hours of sleep kind of job, you know? Can't really take shifts when you're alone, either.
[ He shrugs it off, which is about when Shiro exits the bathroom. ]
Yeah.
[ He doesn't have to wait this time. Unlike Shiro's room, he has a good idea of where the kitchen is. He can find his way there on his own just fine. ]
[ Content to let Matt leave and content in the fact that it means that he doesn't quite have to hide his expressions as much with Matt not looking at him, he follows. ]
Kind of puts into perspective all the times we complained about the idea of just being stuck doing desk work, huh?
[ He remembers, with Keith and with Matt, telling them that he was worried that they'd stick him with a desk job. He loved teaching, loved guiding students as TA, loved everything about it but not permanently. What was the point of being a pilot if he only got to teach other people how to do the thing he wanted to do the most?
Then, Kerberos happened. Then all of this. A desk job was the least of his worries these days. Brow furrowing, he mulls over how to ask the question he really wants to ask and then realizes there's no good way to start it, so: ]
The message you sent. I know you said you weren't entirely serious, but - [ But the rest of the conversation meant he'd wondered. ] I was wondering what you wanted. Truthfully.
I guess so, but I still can't complain much. It's like I still get to live out all my childhood dreams, except with a lot more grim reality and being an adult. Good stuff, right?
[ A little dark, maybe, but it's still helping him feel a lot more at ease. But as soon as Matt's starting to feel relaxed, Shiro has to go and ask that and his heart is pounding in his chest again.
Oh god. This conversation is really happening.
He enters the kitchen as he figures out how to proceed, but he guesses that in the end, all he can really do is tell the truth. ... If he can actually get it out of himself. ]
I guess... My honest answer is whatever you want. I know that's not very confidence-inspiring and it sounds like I'm putting everything on you, but I'm not, and I can explain. I just... need a minute.
[ He feels younger, suddenly, like how he was before he managed to find his self-confidence. He helps himself to a glass of water and drinks, almost finishing it off in one gulp, but the way the cold hits his sense helps a lot, and he sets the cup down and exhales. ]
Sorry about that. I'm okay now. So, uh, like I was saying...
[ This sucks. He kind of wishes he could press fast forward so he didn't have to hear himself talking. He's grown so much, but apparently, he can't get rid of the Holt family trait of nervous rambling. ]
[ Shiro barks a quiet laugh, the noise of it startling even him. He forgot what it was like - how it was easy, with Matt. Easy in a way that it wasn't with the others, save for Keith. Matt wasn't one of his paladins, and while Shiro wanted to protect him from everything that was out there, he knew a lot more about it than most. There wasn't the worry of him going blind into things; he'd been scarred like Shiro had.
It was a little morbid to consider; his stomach twisted at the idea of any part of him being relieved he wasn't the only one to know what the Galra were like. He didn't want Matt to ever have to know any aspect of it, but there was comfort in not needing to explain certain things. ]
I miss being worried about things like taxes.
[ Shiro goes for the cabinets instead of for a drink, fishing out the container of protein bar equivalents that Hunk had made. He grabs one and a napkin and listens to Matt, not wanting to push for any sort of response before he was ready. ]
It's okay. I'm not -- [ He pauses, realizing he doesn't really know how to continue this. Inhale, exhale. ] It's not that I've never considered it. It's more I was never sure if there was any interest, and then we had the mission.
[ That last part? Definitely catches Matt off guard. ]
—Wait, seriously? [ He'd thought about it back at the Garrison? Then again, Shiro had responded the way he did to his message, and in hindsight, that should've spoken for itself. But what that could mean only seems to click right now, in the moment, and he wants to kick himself. ]
I feel kinda stupid now. ... Honestly, I really liked you back at the Garrison, and I guess I kind of did want more, but it felt complicated, so convinced myself it could never work. You were a little intimidating? Higher up than me, star of the school, way more interesting people than me had their eye on you... And later on there was also the fact we'd be on a ship together for months with my dad. That definitely wouldn't have been awkward. I... pretty much forgot about it when we got separated. I really thought you were dead, and at that point, there's nothing else you can do, so I just let go. Then I saw you again, and it was like... Not like I was instantly totally into you again or something cliche like that, more like, I feel like I could open that door again. But it's a lot more complicated now, and I don't know that we'd always be able to put each other first. I can deal with that, but...
[ He lets out a small breath. Man, he's talking a lot. That's a lot for, "yes, I'm interested." He could've just said that. But they haven't seen each other in so long that it feels so important to make sure his real feelings get across. ]
I guess... I can do whatever's easiest for you. It's just a matter of how far you're okay with it going, given... Well, everything. I'm alright with whatever you're comfortable with.
[ It's a little strange hearing himself talk like this. Maybe it's a sign of how much he's changed that he can acknowledge things will be complicated, not necessarily ideal, hard to keep up with, and still be able to just deal with it instead of being scared or have it be a deal-breaker. They just can't have perfect—not in a war. So practical has to come first. A year ago that would have meant he wouldn't even bother. Now? He's content to take whatever he can get. ]
[ He eyes the counter for a moment, debating hitching himself up to sit there but then opts to take a chair like a normal person and not risk Hunk coming into the kitchen and staring despairingly at him. ]
I never wanted to bring it up until after the mission was over because we still had to be on a ship together for a year. [ Another bite of the protein bar and he washes it down with a glass of water, rising only to refill and kill that one, too. ] I didn't want things to be...awkward, or for you to feel like we had to get along on the ship if something happened, or--
[ He trails off, not quite sure where to go. They're both interested but they're both doing very separate things. Much as he wishes he could convince Matt to stay here, safe on the ship, they both know that's not where this is going. Matt has his own things to do, his own priorities, his own role to play in this fight against the Galra. Expecting him not to would be ridiculous at best. ]
Realistically -- I don't know what we could do. Until this is over. I don't expect you to stay here; I know you and Pidge have to work on finding your father, and the work you're doing is good. It's important. It...wouldn't be like back home, you know? There's no way to go out to a restaurant for a date or do...normal things like that out here. So if that's too much, I understand.
[ It's completely pointless to consider what if, yet he can't help but wonder just that. What if they hadn't been captured, went home and someone actually said something? What kind of lives would they be leading now? He remembers what it was like to spend his days wishing one of his closest friends was more than that, but he thought that, given everything, he'd have to relearn that feeling. Apparently he doesn't. All that longing is bubbling right back up to surface, and he swallows thickly. ]
I know it would be hard, but at this point, I think we owe it to ourselves to try. I... don't want to wait anymore, either. I spent a lot of time alone, and I'm fine with that, because it was I needed to move forward after everything that happened. But since Pidge found me, I have an option again, and I don't want to go back into hiding. I don't want to do that to my sister. .... I don't want to do that to you, either. You're just as much family as my real one.
[ Man... he honestly can't believe he's saying all this. Needing a moment, he goes to refill his water, and takes a long drink of it, but he decides to stay standing this time. This conversation is making him too restless to sit. ]
I honestly don't mind how tough it'll be. If you asked me to deal with this a year ago, I would've told you no way, but I'm not the same awkward guy anymore. So...
[ There's no telling what would have happened when they went back. He likes to think that he would have; they would have finished up their mission and maybe gone on other ones. Then again, maybe if they weren't up here, the Galra would have found Earth and that...would've been it. It's not something he likes to consider. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I get that.
[ Shiro's voice softens a touch and he finishes eating, finishing the water, too. The glass gets washed and settled to dry and then he lounges against the counter, arms crossed, watching Matt. ]
I don't think that either of us were really in a position to explore something like this a year ago. Not that this is...better, exactly, given what's going on, but I - we can work with it.
[ He looks away almost sheepishly before he continues. ]
I can still hardly believe you're here, and now this. I'm not really sure what to do with myself right now.
There is one last thing I want to ask you, though. How do you feel about other people knowing? I get it if you want to keep it private. I just don't want to do the wrong thing.
shiro and matt would awkwardly discuss a relationship like a goddamn contract lmaooo
[ The weird thing is that if they're...going to do this, he can probably stop being so careful about things like touch. Physical contact is always nice; he's not quite as touch starved as he was after the Arena but casual touching is something he does with the Paladins frequently enough: a hand on the shoulder, a slap on the back, a hug. ]
I... don't really have strong feelings either way, but I think if we tried to keep it secret it'd last a whole day, maybe. As soon as one of them gets a whiff of a secret, they're going to try and figure out what's going on. Better not to enable that, I guess.
[ It is, of course, all out of love - the kind of ribbing and love that comes with being able to give your CO shit for dating someone, like little siblings. ]
We could try for something normal in the next few days if you wanted. I know we have to restock at the next hub and I'm sure they'll have restaurants there. If you wanted to get something to eat, or just...walk around outside the castle, not on a mission.
they're such losers. "Sign here to get the booty."
Is it bad if I want to tell Lance just to see how he reacts? He's been giving me the stink eye because he thinks I'm going to make a move on Princess Allura. [ Which is kind of Matt's fault, but hey. Details. ]
That sounds really nice, actually. It's been awhile since I could stop and just stop and enjoy the atmosphere.
[ almost too long. sometimes he really misses just staring out at the stars with his laptop like he did when he was a kid, even out here. ]
...I don't think I would have blamed you if you had.
[ He really, really can't blame Matt for that. He's had a non-serious crush on the Princess basically since meeting her; how could he not? An actual space princess, and one of the strongest, most talented women he knows? Yeah. ]
Make sure you do it when I'm around, if you do. That honestly sounds pretty entertaining.
[ Shiro uncrosses his arms and moves closer to Matt, leaving a solid foot of room before them. ]
Well. If you need to get some rest before tomorrow, I understand. I can walk you back to your room. Otherwise, I'm going to be up a little while longer and was planning on -- okay, to be honest, I was going to go over all communication with our allies and start forwarding it to whoever it needs to go to, but that can wait until the morning if you wanted to watch something in the recroom. It's no problem if not. I know it's late.
Pidge and Keith are called to sign as witnesses and decide they hate them so much
I may still be tempted if you're not careful. Because man, I don't think I've ever met someone so beautiful.
[ Also, yeah. Space princess. How seriously awesome is that? As for the rest, he just smiles. ]
Hey, I'm the one who invited you out in the middle of the night, remember? I can handle staying up a little longer. I'm usually still awake this hour anyway.
[ As much as he doesn't want to get in the way of Shiro or his work, that's all he ever sees him do anymore. He won't say anything, because he completely understands, but if he can provide any opportunity at all for him to actually take some time for himself, he's going to give it.
He gives a glance at the the space between. They're fairly close now, but not close enough, and he gives a wry grin. ]
Hey, Shiro? How long are you planning on keeping your distance?
pidge just like "I cannot believe y- nO I ABSOLUTELY CAN, THAT MAKES IT WORSE"
[ It's uttered on the end of a half-amused, half-sympathetic sigh. He respects the hell out of her and he's endlessly grateful that she's there to help with the team, but he also has eyes. ]
Okay. Rec room it is, then.
[ He thinks to duck into the fridge to grab some of the water packets to take in there, and then pauses at Matt's question. While Shiro doesn't flush, thankfully, the tips of his ears do get warm and he hesitates, teeth flashing in a quick smile before he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. ]
Hey, you know it's been almost two years since I've even considered anything to do with dating, right. Cut me some slack.
[ Does he reach out and touch him? Do they hold hands? Dating in the Garrison was way easier than...well, attempting to date after being kidnapped by aliens and staying on an alien castle ship in space. Who'd've figured, huh? Compromising, he rests his human hand on Matt's shoulder and squeezes. ]
"I'm not signing your prenup. you're DATING not getting married, what is WRONG with you guys???"
I could, but I also have around as much time building unreasonable expectations about all this. I can't just let them all fall away now.
[ He's still grinning, possibly a little more than is actually called for, because getting to tease Shiro like this again is honestly one of the best feelings in the world. He really had no idea how much missed this. Maybe because it's just so normal when almost nothing else is anymore.
The hand is his shoulder is... It's nice, but he can't help but laugh a little. It's just like Shiro to be so reserved about it, and he has a funny feeling that if he lets him have his way, things are going to go very, very slowly. And that's fine if that's what keeps him comfortable, but... This may be too comfortable. He takes a small step forward to close the gap between them a little more. They're not quite pressed together, but they're milimetres away from it. He stares up at him with a soft but confident smile, wanting to gauge Shiro's reaction before he does anything else. ]
lance and pidge learn that shiro's a pushover and will buy them video games to stop the teasing
[ Oh, there it goes. His cheeks are a little warmer and he's half-mortified at himself for being so easy to fluster; he wasn't like this in the Garrison (was he?). But that said, it's ... nice to flirt. To act like some part of their insane lives are now normal, despite all odds.
Shiro watches him get closer and figures why the hell not, closing the distance between them until he can settle his Galra hand at the small of Matt's back. The height difference is more pronounced like this, but this close, he can pick out little things that he never let himself notice or think about, like how pretty Matt's eyes are, or how long his hair's gotten. ]
Hey.
[ It's quiet, a little silly as he watches Matt. They're in the kitchen, but it's late enough no one else will likely be up and about. ]
I keep...going to treat this mentally like it's a battle plan. Like we should talk about the list of things that are okay and aren't, and what sort of physical contact is good at what stage and I just -- I don't know. Didn't realize you could forget how to date like a normal person.
[ A pause, and then a smile creeps over his lips. ]
[ That's better. He can feel Shiro's body heat seeping into him, and it's warm both in the physical sense and by how comforting it is. Honestly, he could probably just wrap his arms around him and savor in it for the rest of the night, but they can save that for later. ]
Hey.
[ Shiro seems fine with this so far, which he is happy for, but what he says next hits him with some surprise, because it makes him realize he may have unconsciously been doing the exact same thing. ]
Yeah, I... guess I'm overthinking it a little myself. But it's pretty much all okay for me, just to let you know. You don't have to hold back. If it gets to be too much, I'll let you know.
[ although he kind of doubts that will be an issue. He returns Shiro's smile, reaching to put his arms around neck. ]
Well... I'll leave that to your imagination.
[ He pulls down on Shiro gently and leans up into him so they can press their foreheads together. He really, really wants to kiss him, but the thing is, he wasn't entirely joking about expectations. He's wanted this for so long it's a little paralyzing, and he feels kind of stupid for hesitating when he's been talking so big. On the other hand, maybe it's not a big deal, because even this much is kind of incredible. Maybe they really hadn't lost their connection over the years, and picking back up and going farther this time will easier than he thought. ]
every meal they swap seats to let matt and shiro sit next to each other but pidge/lance make faces
[ He might not be lacking in physical affection with the team, but the moment that he actually relaxes, settling into Matt's body, letting them touch, he realizes that maybe he just missed physical affection in general with a person-- with intent behind it. This is nice, and it's barely anything. ]
So the plan of tossing you over my shoulder like a caveman and bringing you back to my room is a good idea?
[ He's clearly joking, but there's a thread of question in his voice all the same. They could, after all, go back to his room and watch something on one of the tablets. He doesn't particularly want to rush into anything, but at the same time: they're adults. He hasn't shared a bed with anyone in ages, for sleeping or anything else. Maybe it'd be nice, even if they only have a handful of hours til morning drills. ]
That's no fun.
[ He can't really pull off the pathetic, disappointed look but he also doesn't give it much effort, too caught up in letting the tips of their noses touch, and then after a beat, tilting his head further until he can graze his lips over Matt's. ]
Hunk asks them increasingly invasive questions and literally the whole castle hates their lives
[ Well, crap. Now he's flustered himself, so it looks like Shiro's won this round. ]
I might be okay with that. [ Going back to Shiro's room is an absolute yes, but how far it goes really... depends. It's clearly been on both of their minds, but he has no idea if he'll be able to to keep his nerve in the moment, so that's the real mystery. He guesses there's plenty of time to do that later, but there's also a lot of time to make up for, and part of him does want to be impulsive and stupid to make up for it.
He may have froze on initiating the kiss, but he's more than eager to reciprocate. It's still just a brush against Shiro lips but god does it feel good. Mostly just because it's Shiro rather than the actual act, but it is something he's starved on. It's not like he has no experience, but it's definitely close enough. Just enough to sort of know what's he's doing but that it still completely overwhelms his senses, and he keeps going back, each kiss just a little more desperate and hungry for affection than the last. ]
matt and shiro gained like 4 siblings in the span of a year, rest in pieces u 2
[ He realizes a moment later that he never really specified for what and makes a strangled noise, ostensibly to clear his throat though the embarrassment on his face makes it clear that it's not just that. ]
I mean-- I meant for the movies and sleep. Just--
[ Now he's the flustered one, ears still warm with the flush of embarrassment fighting to win, but thankfully, Matt kisses him back before he can say anything else utterly idiotic and for a few moments, he's distracted. It's nice, doing this. It's not the hot and heavy kisses he'd traded during spare hours at the Garrison with his girlfriend at the time, a woman a level above him but not his direct command. Then, he'd had the mission and work and she'd gone off site for something else so he'd focused on Kerberos and nothing else.
This wasn't the same, but it was good; it was comforting in a way he wasn't expecting, all this...normalness. When he withdraws, it's with a wider smile, hand settling at Matt's jaw to trace the swell of his lower lip and then stroking up, over the scar a moment. ]
[ part of that last kiss is to conceal his own embarrassment, because man, he feels like awkward about jumping to conclusions. Not the biggest ones, though, considering they were discussing it literally only so many moments earlier. Then they were suddenly confessing, and now... Suddenly it dawns on him this is basically the most backwards situation ever, and he can't help but laugh quietly at it, realizing he doesn't care if it's weird. He never cared about rules anyway, and this suits them somehow. ]
I missed you, too. This is .. basically the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. My little sister found me all the way across the universe, and then I find out one of my closest friends is still here after all, and we're really going for this? I don't even remember the last time I was this happy.
[ Sure, there's some really horrible stuff going on right now, but he doesn't want to let that wash out the good things. Why save the universe if he can't even save himself? Seems stupid to deny the good things just because there's death and evil out there. ]
Maybe you should throw me over your shoulder like a caveman and take me back to your room.
[ he definitely can't let Shiro say something like that without making fun of him, even if it comes a little late. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ This is about as normal as can be expected so far, which is encouraging. He knows Shiro really well—you don't spend months on a ship with someone for nothing—but that doesn't mean they can automatically pick up where they left off. There's ways Shiro is exactly the same, but there's also ways he seems different as Matt feels, and their responsibilities don't exactly make things ideal, either. It's hard to say what all the changes in their lives are going to mean for them. For now though, he wants to enjoy Shiro's presence, and let things be as simple as things will allow. Especially since he can still hardly even believe that he's alive. ]
You know, I'm kind of surprised you took that message seriously. I figured you'd think I was joking.
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Another turn and he glances at Matt, a little sheepish, a little wry. ]
Were you?
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Well... At first. I probably wouldn't have had the guts to send it, otherwise. But I guess we got kinda wrapped up in it and now I can't stop thinking about it.
[ He rubs the back his head awkwardly. This is a little embarrassing, actually... But, oh well. Here they are, so obviously something good came out of it. ]
I wasn't kidding about making the most of our time, though. I know there's a lot on your plate, and I don't want to get in your way. Guess that's why I'm bothering you in the middle of the night instead of a more respectable hour.
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Is that because you're...actually interested in that, or just because I didn't laugh it off and now you've got to hope that Pidge doesn't hack the comms again and see it?
[ Gentle teasing is about as far as he'll go with this. He presses his hand to the door panel and it whooshes open for both of them, closing once they're both inside. He scoops up a fresh set of clothing from his bed and heads for the bathroom, leaving the door cracked so he can talk through it. While there wasn't much for privacy on the ship to Kerberos or at the Garrison, given the talk, he figures maybe changing in front of him isn't the best idea right now. ]
You're not bothering me, Matt. I don't-- I keep strange hours, sometimes. [ A pause. ] Most of the time. Force of habit, I guess.
[ He comes back out once decent, adjusting his collar and starts putting the armor away, rolling his shoulders. ]
Kitchen?
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[ As for a serious answer, there's a lot of things he could say, but they'd probably be better left for when they can sit down properly. Or maybe he's more nervous than he thought and he's stalling. It seems like he's doing that a lot, tonight. He follows Shiro into his room and leans against the doorframe—no point in getting too comfortable if they're just going to leave again soon.
What Shiro says next honestly worries him a little; it makes him wonder if he lets himself rest. Somehow, it doesn't feel like his place to press it, though, so he just smiles, not that Shiro can see it. ]
Hey, I get it. My schedule's gotten pretty weird, too. Monitoring transmissions wasn't exactly an eight hours of sleep kind of job, you know? Can't really take shifts when you're alone, either.
[ He shrugs it off, which is about when Shiro exits the bathroom. ]
Yeah.
[ He doesn't have to wait this time. Unlike Shiro's room, he has a good idea of where the kitchen is. He can find his way there on his own just fine. ]
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Kind of puts into perspective all the times we complained about the idea of just being stuck doing desk work, huh?
[ He remembers, with Keith and with Matt, telling them that he was worried that they'd stick him with a desk job. He loved teaching, loved guiding students as TA, loved everything about it but not permanently. What was the point of being a pilot if he only got to teach other people how to do the thing he wanted to do the most?
Then, Kerberos happened. Then all of this. A desk job was the least of his worries these days. Brow furrowing, he mulls over how to ask the question he really wants to ask and then realizes there's no good way to start it, so: ]
The message you sent. I know you said you weren't entirely serious, but - [ But the rest of the conversation meant he'd wondered. ] I was wondering what you wanted. Truthfully.
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[ A little dark, maybe, but it's still helping him feel a lot more at ease. But as soon as Matt's starting to feel relaxed, Shiro has to go and ask that and his heart is pounding in his chest again.
Oh god. This conversation is really happening.
He enters the kitchen as he figures out how to proceed, but he guesses that in the end, all he can really do is tell the truth. ... If he can actually get it out of himself. ]
I guess... My honest answer is whatever you want. I know that's not very confidence-inspiring and it sounds like I'm putting everything on you, but I'm not, and I can explain. I just... need a minute.
[ He feels younger, suddenly, like how he was before he managed to find his self-confidence. He helps himself to a glass of water and drinks, almost finishing it off in one gulp, but the way the cold hits his sense helps a lot, and he sets the cup down and exhales. ]
Sorry about that. I'm okay now. So, uh, like I was saying...
[ This sucks. He kind of wishes he could press fast forward so he didn't have to hear himself talking. He's grown so much, but apparently, he can't get rid of the Holt family trait of nervous rambling. ]
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It was a little morbid to consider; his stomach twisted at the idea of any part of him being relieved he wasn't the only one to know what the Galra were like. He didn't want Matt to ever have to know any aspect of it, but there was comfort in not needing to explain certain things. ]
I miss being worried about things like taxes.
[ Shiro goes for the cabinets instead of for a drink, fishing out the container of protein bar equivalents that Hunk had made. He grabs one and a napkin and listens to Matt, not wanting to push for any sort of response before he was ready. ]
It's okay. I'm not -- [ He pauses, realizing he doesn't really know how to continue this. Inhale, exhale. ] It's not that I've never considered it. It's more I was never sure if there was any interest, and then we had the mission.
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—Wait, seriously? [ He'd thought about it back at the Garrison? Then again, Shiro had responded the way he did to his message, and in hindsight, that should've spoken for itself. But what that could mean only seems to click right now, in the moment, and he wants to kick himself. ]
I feel kinda stupid now. ... Honestly, I really liked you back at the Garrison, and I guess I kind of did want more, but it felt complicated, so convinced myself it could never work. You were a little intimidating? Higher up than me, star of the school, way more interesting people than me had their eye on you... And later on there was also the fact we'd be on a ship together for months with my dad. That definitely wouldn't have been awkward. I... pretty much forgot about it when we got separated. I really thought you were dead, and at that point, there's nothing else you can do, so I just let go. Then I saw you again, and it was like... Not like I was instantly totally into you again or something cliche like that, more like, I feel like I could open that door again. But it's a lot more complicated now, and I don't know that we'd always be able to put each other first. I can deal with that, but...
[ He lets out a small breath. Man, he's talking a lot. That's a lot for, "yes, I'm interested." He could've just said that. But they haven't seen each other in so long that it feels so important to make sure his real feelings get across. ]
I guess... I can do whatever's easiest for you. It's just a matter of how far you're okay with it going, given... Well, everything. I'm alright with whatever you're comfortable with.
[ It's a little strange hearing himself talk like this. Maybe it's a sign of how much he's changed that he can acknowledge things will be complicated, not necessarily ideal, hard to keep up with, and still be able to just deal with it instead of being scared or have it be a deal-breaker. They just can't have perfect—not in a war. So practical has to come first. A year ago that would have meant he wouldn't even bother. Now? He's content to take whatever he can get. ]
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I never wanted to bring it up until after the mission was over because we still had to be on a ship together for a year. [ Another bite of the protein bar and he washes it down with a glass of water, rising only to refill and kill that one, too. ] I didn't want things to be...awkward, or for you to feel like we had to get along on the ship if something happened, or--
[ He trails off, not quite sure where to go. They're both interested but they're both doing very separate things. Much as he wishes he could convince Matt to stay here, safe on the ship, they both know that's not where this is going. Matt has his own things to do, his own priorities, his own role to play in this fight against the Galra. Expecting him not to would be ridiculous at best. ]
Realistically -- I don't know what we could do. Until this is over. I don't expect you to stay here; I know you and Pidge have to work on finding your father, and the work you're doing is good. It's important. It...wouldn't be like back home, you know? There's no way to go out to a restaurant for a date or do...normal things like that out here. So if that's too much, I understand.
[ But, if not, he's willing to try. ]
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[ It's completely pointless to consider what if, yet he can't help but wonder just that. What if they hadn't been captured, went home and someone actually said something? What kind of lives would they be leading now? He remembers what it was like to spend his days wishing one of his closest friends was more than that, but he thought that, given everything, he'd have to relearn that feeling. Apparently he doesn't. All that longing is bubbling right back up to surface, and he swallows thickly. ]
I know it would be hard, but at this point, I think we owe it to ourselves to try. I... don't want to wait anymore, either. I spent a lot of time alone, and I'm fine with that, because it was I needed to move forward after everything that happened. But since Pidge found me, I have an option again, and I don't want to go back into hiding. I don't want to do that to my sister. .... I don't want to do that to you, either. You're just as much family as my real one.
[ Man... he honestly can't believe he's saying all this. Needing a moment, he goes to refill his water, and takes a long drink of it, but he decides to stay standing this time. This conversation is making him too restless to sit. ]
I honestly don't mind how tough it'll be. If you asked me to deal with this a year ago, I would've told you no way, but I'm not the same awkward guy anymore. So...
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[ There's no telling what would have happened when they went back. He likes to think that he would have; they would have finished up their mission and maybe gone on other ones. Then again, maybe if they weren't up here, the Galra would have found Earth and that...would've been it. It's not something he likes to consider. ]
Yeah. Yeah, I get that.
[ Shiro's voice softens a touch and he finishes eating, finishing the water, too. The glass gets washed and settled to dry and then he lounges against the counter, arms crossed, watching Matt. ]
I don't think that either of us were really in a position to explore something like this a year ago. Not that this is...better, exactly, given what's going on, but I - we can work with it.
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[ He looks away almost sheepishly before he continues. ]
I can still hardly believe you're here, and now this. I'm not really sure what to do with myself right now.
There is one last thing I want to ask you, though. How do you feel about other people knowing? I get it if you want to keep it private. I just don't want to do the wrong thing.
shiro and matt would awkwardly discuss a relationship like a goddamn contract lmaooo
I... don't really have strong feelings either way, but I think if we tried to keep it secret it'd last a whole day, maybe. As soon as one of them gets a whiff of a secret, they're going to try and figure out what's going on. Better not to enable that, I guess.
[ It is, of course, all out of love - the kind of ribbing and love that comes with being able to give your CO shit for dating someone, like little siblings. ]
We could try for something normal in the next few days if you wanted. I know we have to restock at the next hub and I'm sure they'll have restaurants there. If you wanted to get something to eat, or just...walk around outside the castle, not on a mission.
they're such losers. "Sign here to get the booty."
That sounds really nice, actually. It's been awhile since I could stop and just stop and enjoy the atmosphere.
[ almost too long. sometimes he really misses just staring out at the stars with his laptop like he did when he was a kid, even out here. ]
"signed this day oct 31st 2059"
[ He really, really can't blame Matt for that. He's had a non-serious crush on the Princess basically since meeting her; how could he not? An actual space princess, and one of the strongest, most talented women he knows? Yeah. ]
Make sure you do it when I'm around, if you do. That honestly sounds pretty entertaining.
[ Shiro uncrosses his arms and moves closer to Matt, leaving a solid foot of room before them. ]
Well. If you need to get some rest before tomorrow, I understand. I can walk you back to your room. Otherwise, I'm going to be up a little while longer and was planning on -- okay, to be honest, I was going to go over all communication with our allies and start forwarding it to whoever it needs to go to, but that can wait until the morning if you wanted to watch something in the recroom. It's no problem if not. I know it's late.
Pidge and Keith are called to sign as witnesses and decide they hate them so much
[ Also, yeah. Space princess. How seriously awesome is that? As for the rest, he just smiles. ]
Hey, I'm the one who invited you out in the middle of the night, remember? I can handle staying up a little longer. I'm usually still awake this hour anyway.
[ As much as he doesn't want to get in the way of Shiro or his work, that's all he ever sees him do anymore. He won't say anything, because he completely understands, but if he can provide any opportunity at all for him to actually take some time for himself, he's going to give it.
He gives a glance at the the space between. They're fairly close now, but not close enough, and he gives a wry grin. ]
Hey, Shiro? How long are you planning on keeping your distance?
pidge just like "I cannot believe y- nO I ABSOLUTELY CAN, THAT MAKES IT WORSE"
[ It's uttered on the end of a half-amused, half-sympathetic sigh. He respects the hell out of her and he's endlessly grateful that she's there to help with the team, but he also has eyes. ]
Okay. Rec room it is, then.
[ He thinks to duck into the fridge to grab some of the water packets to take in there, and then pauses at Matt's question. While Shiro doesn't flush, thankfully, the tips of his ears do get warm and he hesitates, teeth flashing in a quick smile before he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. ]
Hey, you know it's been almost two years since I've even considered anything to do with dating, right. Cut me some slack.
[ Does he reach out and touch him? Do they hold hands? Dating in the Garrison was way easier than...well, attempting to date after being kidnapped by aliens and staying on an alien castle ship in space. Who'd've figured, huh? Compromising, he rests his human hand on Matt's shoulder and squeezes. ]
"I'm not signing your prenup. you're DATING not getting married, what is WRONG with you guys???"
[ He's still grinning, possibly a little more than is actually called for, because getting to tease Shiro like this again is honestly one of the best feelings in the world. He really had no idea how much missed this. Maybe because it's just so normal when almost nothing else is anymore.
The hand is his shoulder is... It's nice, but he can't help but laugh a little. It's just like Shiro to be so reserved about it, and he has a funny feeling that if he lets him have his way, things are going to go very, very slowly. And that's fine if that's what keeps him comfortable, but... This may be too comfortable. He takes a small step forward to close the gap between them a little more. They're not quite pressed together, but they're milimetres away from it. He stares up at him with a soft but confident smile, wanting to gauge Shiro's reaction before he does anything else. ]
lance and pidge learn that shiro's a pushover and will buy them video games to stop the teasing
[ Oh, there it goes. His cheeks are a little warmer and he's half-mortified at himself for being so easy to fluster; he wasn't like this in the Garrison (was he?). But that said, it's ... nice to flirt. To act like some part of their insane lives are now normal, despite all odds.
Shiro watches him get closer and figures why the hell not, closing the distance between them until he can settle his Galra hand at the small of Matt's back. The height difference is more pronounced like this, but this close, he can pick out little things that he never let himself notice or think about, like how pretty Matt's eyes are, or how long his hair's gotten. ]
Hey.
[ It's quiet, a little silly as he watches Matt. They're in the kitchen, but it's late enough no one else will likely be up and about. ]
I keep...going to treat this mentally like it's a battle plan. Like we should talk about the list of things that are okay and aren't, and what sort of physical contact is good at what stage and I just -- I don't know. Didn't realize you could forget how to date like a normal person.
[ A pause, and then a smile creeps over his lips. ]
What kind of unreasonable expectations?
they give up on Matt very quickly because he has zero shame
Hey.
[ Shiro seems fine with this so far, which he is happy for, but what he says next hits him with some surprise, because it makes him realize he may have unconsciously been doing the exact same thing. ]
Yeah, I... guess I'm overthinking it a little myself. But it's pretty much all okay for me, just to let you know. You don't have to hold back. If it gets to be too much, I'll let you know.
[ although he kind of doubts that will be an issue. He returns Shiro's smile, reaching to put his arms around neck. ]
Well... I'll leave that to your imagination.
[ He pulls down on Shiro gently and leans up into him so they can press their foreheads together. He really, really wants to kiss him, but the thing is, he wasn't entirely joking about expectations. He's wanted this for so long it's a little paralyzing, and he feels kind of stupid for hesitating when he's been talking so big. On the other hand, maybe it's not a big deal, because even this much is kind of incredible. Maybe they really hadn't lost their connection over the years, and picking back up and going farther this time will easier than he thought. ]
every meal they swap seats to let matt and shiro sit next to each other but pidge/lance make faces
So the plan of tossing you over my shoulder like a caveman and bringing you back to my room is a good idea?
[ He's clearly joking, but there's a thread of question in his voice all the same. They could, after all, go back to his room and watch something on one of the tablets. He doesn't particularly want to rush into anything, but at the same time: they're adults. He hasn't shared a bed with anyone in ages, for sleeping or anything else. Maybe it'd be nice, even if they only have a handful of hours til morning drills. ]
That's no fun.
[ He can't really pull off the pathetic, disappointed look but he also doesn't give it much effort, too caught up in letting the tips of their noses touch, and then after a beat, tilting his head further until he can graze his lips over Matt's. ]
Hunk asks them increasingly invasive questions and literally the whole castle hates their lives
[ Well, crap. Now he's flustered himself, so it looks like Shiro's won this round. ]
I might be okay with that. [ Going back to Shiro's room is an absolute yes, but how far it goes really... depends. It's clearly been on both of their minds, but he has no idea if he'll be able to to keep his nerve in the moment, so that's the real mystery. He guesses there's plenty of time to do that later, but there's also a lot of time to make up for, and part of him does want to be impulsive and stupid to make up for it.
He may have froze on initiating the kiss, but he's more than eager to reciprocate. It's still just a brush against Shiro lips but god does it feel good. Mostly just because it's Shiro rather than the actual act, but it is something he's starved on. It's not like he has no experience, but it's definitely close enough. Just enough to sort of know what's he's doing but that it still completely overwhelms his senses, and he keeps going back, each kiss just a little more desperate and hungry for affection than the last. ]
matt and shiro gained like 4 siblings in the span of a year, rest in pieces u 2
I mean-- I meant for the movies and sleep. Just--
[ Now he's the flustered one, ears still warm with the flush of embarrassment fighting to win, but thankfully, Matt kisses him back before he can say anything else utterly idiotic and for a few moments, he's distracted. It's nice, doing this. It's not the hot and heavy kisses he'd traded during spare hours at the Garrison with his girlfriend at the time, a woman a level above him but not his direct command. Then, he'd had the mission and work and she'd gone off site for something else so he'd focused on Kerberos and nothing else.
This wasn't the same, but it was good; it was comforting in a way he wasn't expecting, all this...normalness. When he withdraws, it's with a wider smile, hand settling at Matt's jaw to trace the swell of his lower lip and then stroking up, over the scar a moment. ]
I really missed you.
they're the best siblings tho so it's okay
I missed you, too. This is .. basically the weirdest thing that's ever happened to me. My little sister found me all the way across the universe, and then I find out one of my closest friends is still here after all, and we're really going for this? I don't even remember the last time I was this happy.
[ Sure, there's some really horrible stuff going on right now, but he doesn't want to let that wash out the good things. Why save the universe if he can't even save himself? Seems stupid to deny the good things just because there's death and evil out there. ]
Maybe you should throw me over your shoulder like a caveman and take me back to your room.
[ he definitely can't let Shiro say something like that without making fun of him, even if it comes a little late. ]
real tho ;n;
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"the tshirt under his titty harness"
put those away Shiro. You'll shoot someone's eye out.
like what is the character designer's intent with that thing is it like they liked gun harnesses?
I just want to know why his casual clothes have knee pads. what shit are you even into shiro???
AAA sorry if i misunderstood re: tag // and LMAOOO RIGHT, EXPLAIN, shiro, wtf
it's w/e I can roll with it!! also do we get to revoke these idiots adult cards yet because really
fucking honestly tho like human disasters the both of them
fucking nerds. shoves them both into a locker
into a locker and then steal their lunch money tbh
swirly time really
good tbh
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rip sorry i got obscenely busy
no worries man
shakes fist at work. ALSO U COWARDS, DREAMWORKS, GIVE US SCARRED SHIRO
throws it in a dumpster and dreamworks too tbh
i know they can't 'cause it's a kids show but cmon
not even one under the short sleeve though /shakes fist
i had a half-written tag and my computer restarted i'm gonna SCREAM
ugghhh the worst and also someone stop these morons lmao fuck
LMFAO HONESTLY LIKE the most hopeless fuckin nerdlords
hopeless nerdlord cowards
is it awful part of me wants them to have to deal with an attack or something flksmfs.
LMAOOOO Matt out in the field like, well I guess I'm dual wielding staves tonight :||||
LMFASKMSGSMFM BAD
somebody rescue Sam because they need adult supervision ASAP
they find sam and pidge is like YOU MISSED SO MUCH XYZ also matt/shiro! sam: fuckin FINALLY
turns out the whole family had a pool for when they'd finally hook up
shiro's just like [MAXIMUM THIS ICON FACE]
this is terrible but I'm half picturing this ongoing saga where they just never quite get laid
that and awkward boning w mishaps are like two of my favorite things to rp tbh
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UGHGHGHGH SORRY EVERYTHING HAS BEEN SO BUSY HOLIDAYS WHY
I know this feel sobs
that's what i get for 3 thanksgivings
that is a lot of thanksgiving omg
ten thousand apologies for belated response again etc
i've pretty much lost track of what position they're in so sorry if this makes no sense lmao
SAME TBH SO I'M SORRY HAHA
twister: extreme edition or something
rp twister, the game within the rp game
butt stuff(tm) not included. must be purchased separately.
buttstuff dlc, the dlc everyone wants
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